The Wardman Wire

Cricket

11.00 Joined by 3 blokes wearing dresses at the end of our row. Pass ‘the only gay at the Ashes’ wearing pink tights on the way back from the loo. Here we go.

12.00 Wickets! Something to cheer as Anderson knocks over a couple of Aussies, and then Monty gets Ponting. The yellow-clad Aussies just below us are not singing anymore. But not for long.

Recently the Cardinal Baron Lord Mandelson, Viceroy of somewhere very long and difficult to remember, has give us a whole quiverful of reasons for not selling off the Post Office, then inspected them and put them back in his quiver and tried another one to see if it works.

I was wondering where this all came from, and then I had a break.

This is the transcript of a tape from a special spy camera installed near Regent’s Park in London, just in case a certain vehement Australian Cricket supporter notorious for violence should become unruly during the Ashes this summer.

In fact it caught (and recorded) an entirely different character engaging in nefarious activities. Step forward … Lord Mandelbrot.

Lord Mandelbrot of Super-Cali-Fragil-istic-espi-ali-docious, visiting the Marsupial Enclosure

Hi Skip, do you remember me from 1994, when I needed advice?

Skippy XVIII

tchk tchk tchk

A short piece appearing in the Evening Standard today:

“So, who was sacked and who resigned? I’d say that Peter Moores was sacked, ostensibly because he wanted a severance package, and Kevin Pietersen “was resigned” – with a subtext of “or else”.

Kevin Pietersen has announced that he is fully committed to the team in future, and to wants be part of the “both England’s Test and One Day International squad to tour the West Indies next month and to do all I can to recapture the Ashes during the summer”.

It is painfully obvious that the one Test Series he hasn’t mentioned is the West Indies Tour of England in May 2009 that just happens to clash with the Indian Premier League tournament, where he could earn £100s of thousands in a few weeks. So I don’t know how to assess that statement of commitment, and only time will be the judge.

Recent events remind me of a newspaper cartoon from the Thatcher era showing Michael Heseltine leaving the cabinet. He is portrayed as Samson demolishing a temple labelled “credibility”. The caption is “Either I didn’t know my own strength, or it was jerry-built anyway”.

That is where English cricket is now. To rebuild the credibility of all concerned, cricket needs to be very, very boring indeed behind the scenes for a couple of years. That may just be possible under Andrew Strauss, but in the meantime the Ozzies will continue to point out the holes in our boat even as their own war-canoe slides gently beneath the waves.

Matt Wardman is editor of the Wardman Wire blog about “politics and cricket” at www.mattwardman.com.”

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Yesterday the England Cricket Captain Kevin Pietersen resigned, claiming that he hadn’t been sacked, and the England Cricket Coach Peter Moores was sacked – probably because if he had resigned he would not have had a leaving package.

The new Captain is Andrew Strauss – who is about the last senior player in the team who has NOT been Captain yet, and the new Coach has yet to be appointed.

This is the full audio of the press conference here Andrew Strauss, the replacement Captain (who – in my opinion – should have got the job 2 years ago), started trying to pick up the pieces and soothe ruffled feathers. I hope that he is the right man for the job.

Click on the title for the audio.