The Wardman Wire

Two down, one to go. Yesterday the Labour faithful left Manchester along with the lobbyists, PR knobs and media after the party’s annual get together. Next week it is the Tories turn before they all head to Westminster for another two and half months of head to head battle. While it is no secret what goes on at these conferences, the casual observer only really gets to see what is going on inside the hall, but that is really just the side show for most. Here is a little sneak at what it is like inside the secure zone for those who have never been.

Primarily, conference is about gossip, fringe events and most of all booze and nibbles. In Manchester the secure zone includes not only the conference hall, but an outdoor area and two very large hotels – the Radisson and Midland. It is much the same for the Tory conference too. Unless you have a pass you will not see much of what is going on as large screens, concrete barriers and armed police block the riff raff from joining in the party.

Just outside the perimeter fence you will see a host of protesters ranging from anti war protestors, to local interest groups, from the old to the young and from the sane to the damn right nutty. Anyone entering the secure zone does so through security that makes Heathrow look like a free for all. They take no chances at these events.

Once in it is like a cross between Disneyland for the political geek and Mecca the hardened alcoholic. Yes there is the main hall, but bar a few big names speaking it is half empty most of the time. Then there are the stands in the hall with pressure groups, lobbyists, PR firms, charities and the sort handing out leaflets and free pens. This is where the people first convene for a bit of a gossip. And boy do they go for it.

Political anoraks make the Women’s Institute look small fry in the gossiping stakes. As you would expect, everyone has an opinion and everyone knows a bit of inside information. It is like going to the races and standing at the bar – you are bound to meet someone who has a boss whose sister in law’s cousin works for a stable and that they know who the dead cert to win the 3:15 is. Well, at conference gossip spreads like wildfire and can turn from a passing comment in to fact in a matter of hours.

When the conference centre speeches quieten down, the secure zone becomes very quiet. Though this is not because everyone has gone back to their hotels or are now in the bars. This is the time when everyone heads to the evening fringe events, because this is where you will find as much free drink and free food as you are likely to be able to stomach. This is payback time for the cost of the conference pass. And my goodness do they go for it.

To be fair, some of the events are quite brilliant… if you are into politics! Everyone political subject you can hope to take an interest is covered just about and you are likely to find a senior figure from your party there along with some genuine experts in their field. It is intimate too, so you really do get to take part in the democratic process as Ministers and MPs make themselves available for questions and often hang around for one to one chats. Over a few glasses of wine of course.

By 10pm it is safe to say the last of the fringe events will be finishing – and they will have got fairly rowdy. By this point, most of the delegates are a fair few glasses of wine down and on their way… to the hotel bars.

This is where the hobnobbing takes place. It is basically a time when the lobbyists and PR folk get incredibly drunk, flirt with one another and carry on drinking. Men are on the prowl for some pretty young PR thing and women, usually outnumbered, often oblige. Conference is verging on school disco territory without the music. And the hotels never seem to kick the punters out – the bars are still packed at 2am, very busy by 3am and 4am and the hardcore masses will keep it going until a lot later than that.

Don’t get me wrong, I think conference does still serve an important purpose for the parties – you just have to see what it did for Cameron last year and even this year seems to have given Brown a reprieve… for now at least. But the side you don’t see on the telly is far less dignified than what is going on in the conference centre itself. It is basically a load of hacks, lobbyists, researchers and PR types getting very, very drunk.