There are a few pieces of knowledge that you just cannot get through today without knowing.

This is an arrow pointing UP. If you want to know where “UP” is, you should try looking for the side of your room that doesn’t have a table standing on it.

If you didn’t, know, this is a table:

This is a hyena, laughing:

This is the IPPR logo.

And this is a new IPPR report:

It is “groundbreaking” and says - for the FIRST (got that?) time:

Poor secondary school teachers can mean the difference between a pass and a fail, according to a report published today by the Institute for Public Policy Research (ippr).

New research shows for the first time how ineffective teaching can mean the difference between a C and D grade at GCSE.

And these are the initials BO:

They stand for “Body Odour” or “Blindingly Obvious“.

I trust that you feel that you have been educated…

Oh, and they want to spend another £481 million. In accordance with Gordspeak, spending is termed “investment”.

Now go and enjoy your Bank Holiday.