This week it’s been aaaaaaaall about the U-turn, sorry, review of the 10p tax rate issue which culminated in a particularly excrutiating Prime Minister’s Questions and Frank Field pulling his amendment to the Finance Bill at almost the last minute. In other news, Lembit Opik got Cheeky in Rome, Kate Hoey nearly didn’t defect to the Tories, and Bob Spink MP followed in the noble footsteps of Robert Kilroy-Silk.

TAXING TIMES FOR THE GORD

There’s now’t like a bit of good old fashioned canvassing to focus the mind. As the Easter recess approached, most MPs fondly imagined that they would decamp to their constituencies for some well-deserved *ahem* R and R and maybe taking in some leisurely campaigning for the upcoming local elections. Which just goes to show how wrong you can be, eh? A large number swiftly discovered that they were on the receiving end of a full frontal bitchslap courtesy of the voting public over the abolition of the 10p tax rate announced by Brown before his accession as our Supreme Leader. Ruh roh! There’s a lesson for all of us here, kids: if you’re in politics, it’s best to - yer know - read important documents at the time.

Meanwhile Frank Field had tabled an amendment to the Finance Bill which would have, in effect, blown the proposed changes out of the water. By the time Prime Minister’s Questions approached, the amendment had 45 Labour signatories but the Gord was able to inform the Chamber - via an EXTREMELY helpful first question from a Labour backbencher - that he was emphatically not doing a U-turn. More of a three-point turn, actually: low earners and pensioners are to get a package of compensation to make up for the shortfall. Frank Field called off the Charge of the Awkward Squad and withdrew his amendment, but the PMQs fun wasn’t over yet.

Davy Cameron was all: “you did a U-turn! You’re a loser!” Gord: “YOUR MUM!” It wasn’t all roses for the Conservatives, however, as Cameron broke the age-old rule that politicians shouldn’t attempt funnies by cracking a “gag” about how the PM was not like porridge but Cheerios. No, me neither; best leave it to Vince, David. This kind of attempt at humour is more commonly known as a “floater”: after emerging and causing a foul stink, it loiters in the pan for days evilly winking at you and serving as a painful reminder of your crime.

A LOAD OF OLD HOEY

Bit of a strange one this. Journos on the Telegraph blog managed to hold off wetting themselves in excitement long enough to inform us enigmatically that BoJo would be appearing alongside a very special person who was going to take the opportunity to endorse his campaign. The impression duly created that no less a personage than God himself was going to pitch up to give the blond bumbler his divine approval, everybody was somewhat underwhelmed when it emerged that the VIP was Vauxhall Kate Hoey (Lab). Who didn’t turn up. In the confusion that followed, it was established that Kate didn’t come because she was ill (or was she?) and wasn’t planning to endorse the campaign (ibid) but was merely planning to take the opportunity to highlight best practice in her constituency or somesuch bollocks. Was she planning to defect? It wouldn’t come as a surprise; Hoey’s name can usually be found in the same sentence as “today voted against the Government” but it seems that, for the moment at least, the comrades can count on her non-support in the Chamber. Which is a relief.

WHAT’S IN A NAME? A UKIP-ER BY ANY OTHER NAME (THAN BOB) WOULD SMELL AS SWEET

It would appear that revenge is a dish best served by Nigel Farage. Bob Spink (Castle Point) had previously had the Conservative whip withdawn following a largely incomprehensible row with his local party over his reselection. Well, this week Bob announced that he was joining the massed ranks of the UK Independence Party, who have inherited their first Member of Parliament and potentially a whole world of trouble. Remember what happened the last time UKIP rescued a Robert (Kilroy-Silk) from unemployability?

HOLY CHEEKINESS!

A big thumbs up from all of us here at the Wardman Wire to Parliament’s resident star cross’d lovers, Picasso-esque Lembit Opik and her that isn’t the other Cheeky Girl, who announced their engagement this week. Lembit - the ol’ romantic - whisked the “Touch My Bum” singer to Rome where he proposed to her in front of the Trevi Fountain, four hundred gawping tourists, and the omnipresent dude who sells those glass Colosseum paperweights. We wish the future Mr and Mrs Cheeky all the best for the future and look forward with a bowel-clenching horrified fascination to the inevitable nuptial related interview in “Hello.” Yer know, like the one Lembit did last time.

…AND FINALLY

Gwyneth Dunwoody MP, chair of the Transport Select Committee, died at the age of 77 after a short illness, triggering a by-election in the constituency of Crewe and Nantwich, John Prescott revealed he suffered from bulemia, and blogger Iain Dale provides cast iron proof that there’s a crime wave afoot.