The Wardman Wire

The state visit of French President Nicholas Sarkozy and his eminently suitable (ahem) wife added a certain je ne sais quios to the usual humdrum of Westminster but, as is often the way with these things, below the glittering surface the grubby underbelly of politics continued to undulate. The Speaker’s increasingly desperate attempts to keep the furniture-related spending habits of MPs a secret has elicited criticism from those brave seekers after truth in the fourth estate, whilst the row over the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Bill has led to a somewhat embarrassing climbdown on the part of the Government. In other news, the Conservatives blame Labour for falling marriage rates, and Alistair Darling’s ability to enjoy a pint of mild and bitter in the boozer after work has been cutailed by those most feared crusaders for justice and DA TROOF: bloggers.

BONJOUR MONSEIUR LE PRESIDENT

The visit of Sarko to the shores of Blighty has caused great excitement amongst commentators, not least because it gave the meedja a golden opportunity to revisit the teachings of long-forgotten GCSE French course and treat us all to Del Boy style utterances on the subject matter of Old Nick. Thus far, the visit appears to have come off without a major hitch: Sarkozy’s missus managed to keep her clothes on during the dinner with Her Maj (gawd bless yer Ma’am), and the man himself made a stirring speech to Parliament about how British democracy is, like, where it’s AT. Good schmoozing, Mr President! I am also exclusively able to reveal that the hot topic of contention amongst MPs’ staffers in the bars of the Commons was related to Mrs Sarkozy, to which the answer was an emphatic “yes.”

THE BATTLE OF THE BIDET

The long-running battle over full disclosure over what fourteen selected MPs spend their £23,000 second home allowance, specifically related to the fixtures and fittings that our elected representatives are able to purchase with these monies, saw the outbreak of chemical weapons this week. The allegation is that whilst the rest of us have to battle with the crowds in IKEA on successive Saturdays to get a cheap deal on a kitchen and then cuss our way through the self-assembly, MPs are able to order a swanky £10,000 number from a top supplier. However, as all the details are currently Top Secret we don’t actually know for sure. Hmm. What an EXCELLENT use of taxpayers’ money, eh? Anyway, the Information Tribunal had demanded that information relating to the expenditure of the named MPs be released, but Speaker Michael Martin launched a dramatic 11th hour High Court challenge to the ruling. To say that these shenanigans Don’t Look Good would be like stating that bears are Catholic (of which more below). The theory doing the rounds is that the details of the troughing are so horrific that it would seriously damage politics if they were released. As one of the names on the list is a Mr J. Prescott MP this idea, on the surface at least, seems to hold water - rather like a really expensive bath from John Lewis. Boom boom! Thank you, I’m here ’til Friday.

SEX IN THE 21ST CENTURY

The row over the provisions of the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Bill continues apace, with the massed ranks of the Labour God-squad causing a massive headache for the Government Whips’ office. Fearing a rebellion over what some are calling the “Frankenstein Bill” (I love the smell of hyperbole in the morning) which might include the Cabinet’s resident hair-shirter Ruth Kelly, the Government have eventually backed down and allowed a free vote on three areas of the Bill: saviour siblings, abortion, and the human-animal hyrbid cells. Although they may have dodged the Papal bullet in terms of the second reading, there is no indication that the whip will remain shelved for anything following the committee stage so we might yet see rebellions and front bench hissy-fittery, although the Bill will almost definitely pass. On the same subject, if ever there was someone you’d expect to be leading a pitchfork wielding mob on this issue it would be Nadine “Mad Nad” Dorries, the Conservative MP for Mid-Bedfordshire. Nad has taken time out from writing about how goddamn hot she is on her “blog” to stand screaming virtual abuse and hectoring with metaphorical placards a couple of female MPs on the Labour benches whose majorities are small and who (she thinks) will be susceptible to bullying, sorry, PERSUASION on this issue. Nothing like progress, is there people?

…AND FINALLY

If anybody needs a drink after the last couple of weeks it’s beleagured Chancellor Alistair Darling. But what’s this? A campaign on the part of an Edinburgh bar to ban Darling from the premises (is he a regular?) because of the increase in taxes on booze announced in the last budget has been seized on by the blogosphere. I can personally *ahem* confirm that as of last night the Red Lion - the watering hole next to Parliament - was unadorned by the Devil’s Kitchen campaign poster, but it’s clearly only a matter of time. And let’s conclude with this thought from HM Opposition: the Government are responsible for falling marriage rates, according to the Conservatives who presumably want to introduce the Compulsory Shacking Up By The Time You’re Thirty You Shiftless Bastards Bill. Nothing like a bit of romance in politics.