The Wardman Wire

Roll up, roll up! See the Eighth Wonder of the Parliamentary Estate: the amazing Gordon Brown and Alistair Darling ventriloquism act. SEE! Alistair deliver his first Budget as Chancellor! GASP! At the way that way his lips move so convincingly as he mouths stuff about “stability” and more tax on The Booze (cries of “shame” from students everywhere)! MARVEL! At the…yeah, that’s enough.

Yep, it’s Budget time people, and frankly after the incident and romance surrounding the culmination of the Lisbon Treaty in the Commons last week, I’m surprised we can all cope with the excitement.

Elsewhere, wee Nicky Clegg delivered his first address to the assembled Liberal Democrat masses at their spring Conference, the Speaker was on the receiving end of a bout of happy-slapping from a former member of staff, the polls indicate that the Tories shouldn’t start getting complacent yet, and a Conservative MP threw a hissy fit and resigned the whip.

BUDGETING FOR DISASTER?

The general consensus on Alistair Darling’s first Budgetary offering as Chancellor is best summed up with the words, “man, that was dull.” A Budget for stability is what we’re told is being delivered, and earlier speculation that it was going to be all about environmental ishoos proved to be a slight exaggeration: an increase in fuel duty has been deferred until October, and “consideration” is being given to raising the UK targets for emissions cuts by 2050. Ah well, at least it will irritate the leader writers in the Independent. The Conservatives, however, were not impressed, and Cameron was all, “er, you are aware that all the signs are pointing to an economic downturn, right? Fancy expanding on your strategy in this regard” Darling: “no.” In spite of the fact that the Gord has been told to smile more, you could just tell he was mentally underlining the Boy Cameron’s name several times on his To Disappear list. Word is that the Tories were pretty chuffed with their leader’s performance. Other stuff we learned from the events surrounding the statement: Alistair Darling has possibly THE campest walk on the Parliamentary Estate, and Work and Pensions Secretary James Purnell does a good line in koi carp impersonations.

NICKY CLEGG DOES LIVERPOOL

After a bruising week in which the Liberal Democrat leader sought to explain that sitting on the fence was actually a courageous response to the vacilation of the other parties on the issue of a referendum on the Lisbon Treaty (…er?), all eyes were on Nicky as he stood up to deliver his first Conference speech as leader. Clegg decided on the casually-walking-around-the-stage approach so beloved of politicians in the post-Cameron era who presumably think it makes them look casual and down wiv da yoof, as opposed to a Tom Jones impersonator chatting with the crowd in between songs. He said some stuff about how this was the “end of politics as usual” (exclusive to all party leaders, at any point in time, everywhere), and how it would be nice if they could lower taxes a bit. Indeed, Nick, indeed. Go back to your constituency and prepare for Government!

ET TU, MIKE?

The row over the Speaker’s expenses continues apace as a former member of Michael Martin’s staff had his ass hauled before the Public Administration Committee and was invited to be mean about his old boss. Well, from the alacrity with which he subsequently inserted the knife into Martin, I’m guessing that they didn’t have to haul him too hard. Mike Grannatt: “The one mistake I made was in believing that the standards and behaviour of employees and staff in Whitehall over 25 years I would find elsewhere.” Don’t mince your words, Mike! Tell us what you REALLY think. Grannatt had previously resigned from the Speaker’s employ after he realised he had unwittingly misled journos over a publicly funded taxi trip Mrs Martin had made to the local Esso garage to pick up a Vimto and a Wagon Wheel. Apparently she’d gone with a housekeeper instead of an approved flunky. Well, Watergate this certainly ain’t (and the somewhat unseemly campaigning to replace Martin is a bit quieter this week) but this one looks like it’s set to run.

BOB SPINK MP THROWS HIS TOYS OUT

Conservative Member of Parliament for Castle Point, Bob Spink, has resigned the whip over a largely incomprehensible row about his reselection. Guido gamely entered into some correspondence with Spink which sheds a little more light on the matter, Iain Dale is all, “see ya, wouldn’t want to be ya!” and Nadine Dorries MP reckons he’s going offer his services to UKIP. Nobody seems particularly surprised at Bob’s door-slamming, least of all Phil Cowley at Revolts who points out that Spink was the third most rebellious Tory MP.

…AND FINALLY

Politics is a strange business. Maybe you’re a Government in trouble over a manifesto pledge that you might be trying to wriggle out of, or the leader of a third party trying to claim that having no policy on said issue is, in fact a policy. You’d expect a hammering in the polls, right? Well, apparently not if Monday’s Populus poll is to be believed: the Tories are down three on 37, and the comrades and the LibDems are up three and two points respectively. What the…? It’s not all good news for Nick Clegg, though, as his personal rating is currently lower than Ming Campbell’s ever was. Is it time for another period of Liberal Democrat civil war? It’s already been nearly four months since the last one!

Tags: ming campbell, alistair darling, budget 2008, budget sppech 2008, michael martin, the boy cameron, public administration committee[tags]ming campbell, alistair darling, budget 2008, budget sppech 2008, michael martin, the boy cameron, public administration committee[/tags]