The Wardman Wire

Warning: This is a rant about the governing body of cricket. You have been warned.

In the last months and years we have seen the ICC make a series of decisions that have damaged cricket.

To restrict the timeline to the last few months, we have at least three major cockups. I have seen these in both the current Cricket World Cup 2007 , and previously in my own country (England) and in Australia.

To list a few International Cricket Cockups:

1) Excessive security and crowd restriction. We saw this in England. We also saw it - Keystone Cops style - in Australia, with the liquidation of homicidal beach balls.

2) No drinking in stadia or no taking in of your own drink. If there was any reason or logic behind this ban, they would ban drinking where it causes a problem - in football stadiums - and allow it in cricket grounds.

Where national governments wish to restrict drinking, they are well able to do so. See Pakistan.

Well done to Lords for telling the ICC to take a running jump on this one. Not so good for all the English Test Grounds for not co-ordinating their positions.

3) Ticket pricing. Perhaps the biggest single cockup of the 2007 World Cup. Tickets were priced to fit the personal income of developed countries, for matches in large new stadia in tiny countries with Gross Domestic Products per person around 85% lower.

For examples of GDP per person: UK: $31,400 Guyana: $4,700, Jamaica: $4,600. All in 2006. Source: CIA World Factbook.

This was simply monumentally stupid - on a level with a skydiver imagining that a brolly would do the job of a parachute.

4) Profiteering. I’ve looked at the pricing of tickets. Beer and food were also overpriced. See “Crushing the essence of the Caribbean” by Ian S Mohan, who was a volunteer for the Cricket World Cup:

The biggest impression in my mind was the curtailing of freedom in your own country. It was martial law in the confines of a cricket ground. At the ground, water was TT$12 (US$2) a bottle - outside the fence and in the UWI café it was TT$4.50. A beer was TT$18 a cup - over at the café it was only TT$6.

The spectators passed the bars and concessions and simply walked away.

This is not all. They have also caused a health hazard.

One spectator, who on the first warm-up game arrived with his own water, was told he could not enter the arena with his plastic bottle, especially with the cap on, as this was clearly a weapon of mass destruction. He was taken from the UWI by paramedics at 3pm suffering from dehydration, because he could not afford to purchase water at the inflated price.

What a complete bunch of idiots. The Cricket World Cup may as well be run by Martians.

Getting out of the Mire

The ICC has belatedly tumbled to reality. It is too late for this World Cup, and it may be too late for West Indian cricket to re-engage with West Indian people. Some should sue the International Cockup Council for causing collatoral damage to cricket in the West Indies.

The thing that frightens me, however, is that I see no prospect whatsoever of the ICC learning from its errors. I expect the organisation to go away, stick its head up its rear end again, and continue to make huge mistakes.

Who ruined the Cricket World Cup 2007? The suspects.

I expect the following culprits to be blamed before the ICC finds any fault with itself. I have also made some helpful notes.

• West Indies cricket authorities. Keep mum until the end of the tournament.
• cricketers. Need we say more.
• the type of cricket ball used. Soft. Just too soft.
• the other national cricket boards. Why do they have to be independent?
• the West Indies Government. Ssshhhhhh. At least until after the tournament.
• the weather. It rained. Typical. That was why we didn’t have it in England.
• the cricket ball manufacturers. See cricket balls.
• the spectating public. They do it for the enjoyment not the money. Ouch.
• W G Grace. One of the most disreputable people in the history of the game.
• Eric Cantona. A footballer. Naturally dodgy. Trying to remove the competition. A history of crowd trouble.
• Paddington Bear. The ICC will probably find the “Wanted” label on his suitcase highly suspicious.
• the Tellytubbies. Especially the one with the handbag. Probably packing a bribe in that.
• Ermintrude from the Magic Roundabout. Why would a cow tie itself up, if it was not guilty - dear heart?

Cricket World Cup 2007 Suspects: Identity Parade

Who else spoilt the world cup?

Make your suggestions here.

Why the Cockups?

It seems to me that the problem is actually deeper than a few bad decisions, and is to do with the Institutional Politics in the ICC itself.

The ICC is usually split down the middle, basically between the East and the West.

There’s no space here to make a detailed argument - but I can’t help feeling that the ICC’s wings would be clipped effectively if we had a Western - rather than an Eastern - majority.

What is to be done?

The quick way would be for more European countries (and perhaps Kenya) to reach Test level, to shift the power balance.

Ireland seem to be ready - perhaps they should be fast tracked? And maybe be should encourage some County players to take Dutch nationality!

Something for YOU to do

Here’s one specific thing you can do: link to http://www.icc-cricket.com/ with the link text “International Cricket Cockup” or “International Cockup Council“. Take your pick.

Personally, I prefer the latter then:

• The ICC could become the International Cockup Council.
• The ICC website could move to www.icc-cockup.com (which is available).

.. and then we could get a competent organisation to run cricket.

What do you think?

I feel much better now. Please feel free to add your comments below.

Credits:

• International Cockup Council: For providing basic material of a satirist’s wet dream.
• Keystone Kops: For a perfect illustration of the ICC in-ground security policy.
• Charles Dickens Page: for providing the out of copyright Pawnbroker cartoon.

Tags: International Cricket Council, ICC< Cricket World Cup 2007, West Indies, Cricinfo, County Cricket, Cricket in Dubai, International Cricket, One Day International, View from the Boundary

[tags]International Cricket Council, ICC< Cricket World Cup 2007, West Indies, Cricinfo, County Cricket, Cricket in Dubai, International Cricket, One Day International, View from the Boundary[/tags]